Confessions lead to fear of dentists and blind dates.

Alright, so maybe I've kind of become obsessed with one song. And I'm sort of embarrassed to say its Broken by Lifehouse.

Is that okay? I don't know and I don't care. I like that song...the radio version. The other one? Not a fan.

So my tooth hurts. Me thinks I should schedule a dentists appointment. Like a cleaning. And tell them I have a large cavity. And then halfway through it, they tell me they need to pull it. I think I could possibly consider that a success. What do you think?

I was going to tell you all the differences between getting your tooth pulled versus going on a blind date and going home the next morning a little drugged and missing a kidney. But sadly, as I keep thinking of more and more differences, I realize they are becoming more and more similar. Which leads me to the conclusion that somehow, a dentist pulling out a tooth is the equivalent of a backwoods hillbilly slicing me up and and selling my kidney on the black market. Or just eating it for lunch. Oh yes. It's true.

1. Lose weight. You're mouth would be sore and sensitive, so you might not eat much at all. Plus pain pills would knock you out and you can't really eat while asleep. Unless you're very talented. I'm not. But I don't know about you. Same goes for the impromptu surgery. A kidney has mass. So in effect, you could lose a pound or two or however much a kidney weighs. PLUS, you would be sick for days if you survived and thus wouldn't eat much at all.

2. Leaving with less than you went in with. If I went, say, for a cleaning. Then they decide to yank the sucker. I would leave with less then I went in with. Same goes for the kidney. Go on a blind date, leave sans one kidney. Yikes.

3. No one forced you to go. I would go to the dentist because I need the cleaning. I would go on the blind date...probably because my friends forced me to but I still walked without being physically pushed. Do you see a pattern? No? Not yet? ...alright.

4. No permission. Okay, so my tooth is rotten or there is something just plain wrong and it needs to go. I never said I wanted it to go. (but maybe I'm thinking I do, because *ouch*!) Same as the hillbilly asshole stealing my kidney. Honestly. Like he can't go find a pig to slice open or some other blind date.

Okay...so that last one wasn't very nice for anyone else in that position. But hey, I think I'd like to keep my kidney. Unless its like cancerous or just failing. Then by all means. Keep it.

So there you have it. Dentists=Batshitcrazyknifewieldinghillbillybouttoslicemeupandsnatchmykidney.

I think that about sums it up.

--This in no ways (at all) (ever) gives you the right to take my kidney and or tooth. fyi.